Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize