Are we in a gay sports bar?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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