well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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