my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
