you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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