So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
