Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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