Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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