bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
