he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
