i just had sex bonerless
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
