My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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