I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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