she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
