Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The ass gains better be worth it
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