For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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