Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
