Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my liver is dry heaving
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
