apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
