had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
