her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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