i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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