PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
