she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
