Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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