And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
