when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
