I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
