I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
