You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
