could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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