He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
