Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
