did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
