I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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