When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
