you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
