This is not my ceiling
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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