Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
