Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
