Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
