I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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