im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
