Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
