This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
