ya dads aren't the best wingmen
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
