we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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