apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
