btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
