Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
