Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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