He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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