I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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