my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
