Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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