Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize