we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
