so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
