College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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