i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
