I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
