My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
