he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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