I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
