i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
