I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
