Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
