You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
my liver is dry heaving
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
