I want to make a zoo with you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
