he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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