dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
