Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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