he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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