I'm gonna have a badass scar
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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