i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
