he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
