Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
